Had a recent breakup with your boyfriend and now want to get him back?

Want to get him back well let’s first discuss relationships. In reality relationships all have conflict and relationships that have no conflict are rather unhealthy as conflicts will either strengthen the relationship of weaken it. Conflicts can be productive and can create a good understanding in a relationship however they can also be destructive which will cause resentment and hostility and even cause a divorce.

It is not about how many conflicts occur but how the conflicts get resolved and this will determine if the relationship is a healthy or abusive one. One has to look at if the relationship is satisfying or not and if it’s friendly or not if the relationship has meaning or is it just a shallow relationship as relationship conflicts can be minor differences or can mount up to critical differences. There are also conflicts of wants, interests, preferences, beliefs, needs etc.

So before you try and get him back make sure you really want him back. Sit down and take stock of what the relationship was like was it good or was it abusive. If it was abusive then you need to think about this relationship long and hard. If your partner was abusive you need to remember the things he said and did to you. Was he always abusive or were there triggers that made him become abusive towards you. Where the conflicts over petty things but otherwise the relationship was good as you need to take all these factors into account.

Before you get him back if that is what you really want then you also need to know how to deal with conflict and these are some of the things you should take note of:

• Never try to avoid conflict or deny that conflict exists
• Don’t just give up when there is a conflict sort it out amicably
• Try not to get angry and then start blaming each other as that is not a solution
• When there is conflict neither person is the winner
• Both parties need to take control of the conflicting situation

Remember that conflict areas always have two alternatives such as his choice or your choice and this is where a fine line needs to be drawn. Both partners need to compromise and come to an alternative that suits both parties.

When there are serious conflicts then couples usually seek counseling and yes therapy can help solve conflicts although we all understand intellectually but when it comes to applying the theory it is not that easy. Both partners need to view their conflicts and realize that there is a problem and the problem must be resolved by both partners.